books.google.com - Do you hunger for skills to improve the quality of your relationships, to deepen your sense of personal empowerment or to simply communicate more effectively? Unfortunately, for centuries our culture has taught us to think and speak in ways that can actually perpetuate conflict, internal pain and even...http://books.google.com/books/about/Nonviolent_Communication_A_Language_of_L.html?id=nY4tDDO93E8C&utm_source=gb-gplus-shareNonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
TM: “Nonviolent Communication is a simple yet powerful methodology for
communicating in a way that meets both parties' needs. This is one of the most
useful books you will ever read.” —WILLIAM URY, coauthor of Getting to Yes and
author ...
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Nonviolent Communication connects soul to soul, creating a lot of healing. It is
the missing element in what we do.” —DEEPAK CHOPRA, author of Ageless
Body, Timeless Mind “I believe the principles and techniques in this book can
literally ...
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“Marshall's unique message gives teachers easy steps for peaceful
communication and a new way to work with children and ... —HAL DOIRON,
director, Columbine Community Citizens Task Force “Nonviolent Communication
is a masterwork.
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Those who have participated in Marshall Rosenberg's training have a real desire
to use Nonviolent Communication as a peaceful alternative for ending this
interminable Rwandan conflict.” —THEODORE NYILIDANDI, Rwandan Dept. of ...
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“Nonviolent Communication has catalyzed a process of clarification/ healing/
empowerment in me that I could never have imagined. It unifies the spiritual
truths I've found in all the world's religions. I stand in awe of the model this book
teaches ...
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Chapter 12: Liberating Ourselves and Counseling Others • 171 Freeing
Ourselves from Old Programming • 171 Resolving Internal Conflicts • 172 Caring
for Our Inner Environment • 173 Replacing Diagnosis with NVC • 175 NVC in
Action: ...
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Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships Marshall Rosenberg. exists in the
world. He assisted me every evening to analyze the day's happenings—
everything that I experienced, read about, saw, or did to others—and put them
down on ...
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Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships Marshall Rosenberg. It is not
important that we come together in a moment of crisis and show our patriotism by
flying the flag; it is not enough that we become a superpower by building an
arsenal ...
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that it is our nature to enjoy giving and receiving ina compassionate manner, I
have been preoccupied most of my life with two questions: What happens to
disconnect us from our compassionate nature, leading us to behave violently and ...
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Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships Marshall Rosenberg. didn't know
some people used it in a derogatory way to refer to Jews. After school, the same
two boys were waiting for me: they threw me to the ground and kicked and beat ...
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way we talk to be “violent,” words often lead to hurt and pain, whether for others
or ourselves. In some communities, the process I am describing is known as
Compassionate Communication; the abbreviation NVC is used throughout this
book ...
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Through its emphasis on deep listening—to ourselves as well as to others—NVC
fosters respect, attentiveness, and empathy and engenders a mutual desire to
give from the heart. Although I refer to it as “a process of communication” or “a ...
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To arrive at a mutual desire to give from the heart, we focus the light of
consciousness on four areas—referred to as the four components of the NVC
model. First, we observe what is actually happening in a situation: what are we
observing ...
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Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships Marshall Rosenberg. The
essence of NVC is in our consciousness of the four components, not in the actual
words that are exchanged.
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use NVC more and more in my medical practice. Some patients ask me whether I
am a psychologist, saying that usually their doctors are not interested in the way
they live their lives or deal with their diseases. NVC helps me understand what ...
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Now, with this book, I am pleased and excited to be able to share the richness of Nonviolent Communication with you. Summary. NVC helps us connect with each
other and ourselves in a way that allows our natural compassion to flourish.
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Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships Marshall Rosenberg. MBR:
Sounds like you're feeling very desperate and you're wondering whether I or
anybody else can really understand what it's like to be living under these
conditions.
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CHAPTER. TWO. Communication. That. Blocks. Compassion. Do not judge, and
you will not be judged. For as you judge others, so you will yourselves be judged
. . . —Holy Bible, Matthew 7:1 ...
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We all pay dearly when people respond to our values and needs not out of a
desire to give from the heart, but out of fear, guilt, or shame. Sooner or later, we
will experience the consequences of diminished goodwill on the part of those
who ...
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Viewers, having been taught Classifying and judging people promotes violence.
that bad guys deserve to be punished, take pleasure in watching this violence. At
the root of much, if not all, violence—whether verbal, psychological, or physical, ...
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horrors we shall presently see, are not signs that rebels, insubordinate,
untamable men are increasing in number throughout the world, but rather that
there is a constant increase in the number of obedient, docile men. —George
Bernanos ...
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I believe it is in everyone's interest that people change, not in order to avoid
punishment, but because they see the change as benefiting themselves. Most of
us grew up speaking a language that encourages us to label, compare, demand,
and ...
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Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships Marshall Rosenberg. communication is the use of moralistic judgments that imply wrongness or
badness on the part of those who don't act in harmony with our values. Another is
the use of ...
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Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships Marshall Rosenberg. so I've come
to the conclusion, it will save us all confusion if we don't mix up what we can see
with what is our opinion. Because you may, I want to say also; I know that's only ...
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Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships Marshall Rosenberg. observation
of the principal's behavior, this was also an evaluation— of how much the
principal talked. A third teacher then declared, “He thinks only he has anything
worth ...
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Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships Marshall Rosenberg. before?” He
admitted he was aware of his storytelling habit, and then began a story pertaining
to this habit! I interrupted him, observing (good-naturedly) that he was doing it ...
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The first component of NVC entails the separation of observation from evaluation.
When we combine observation with evaluation, others are apt to hear criticism
and resist what we are saying. NVC is a process language that discourages static ...
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Exercise. 1. OBSERVATION OR EVALUATION? To determine your proficiency at
discerning between observations and evaluations, complete the following
exercise. Circle the number in front of each statement that is an observation only,
with ...
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It was typical for coaches to value athletes willing to “give their all” and continue
playing no matter how much physical pain ... At an NVC workshop, a college
student spoke about being kept awake by a roommate who played the stereo late
at ...
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Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships Marshall Rosenberg. • on this
topic again. Before I could continue, one of the administrators stopped me to
protest, “You're being unrealistic! We could never tell the physicians that we were ...
If you circled this number, we're not in agreement. I don't consider “neglected” to
be a feeling. To me, it expresses what the speaker thinks the other person is
doing to him or her. An expression of feeling might be: “When you don't greet me
at ...
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Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships Marshall Rosenberg. In each of
these instances, we can deepen Connect your feeling our awareness of our own
responsibility with your need: “I feel by substituting the phrase, “I feel ...
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A statement like that is not likely to get the cooperation of a group of Israelis!
Almost immediately, an Israeli woman jumped up and countered, “Mukhtar, that
was a totally insensitive thing for you to say!” Here were people who had come ...
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Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships Marshall Rosenberg. needs are
unimportant. For example, because she is fearful of asking for what she needs, a
woman may fail to simply say that she's had a busy day, is feeling tired, and ...
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Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships Marshall Rosenberg. Every time I
see my partner in pain or needing something, I feel overwhelmed. I feel like I'm in
prison, that I'm being smothered—and I First stage: Emotional slavery. We see ...
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Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships Marshall Rosenberg. than
accommodating them to prevent their upset. I also clarified ways she could
empathize with people when they were upset without taking responsibility for
their feelings.
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Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships Marshall Rosenberg. Judgments,
criticisms, diagnoses, and interpretations of others are all alienated expressions
of our own needs and values. When others hear criticism, they tend to invest ...
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behind her co-worker's statements and no longer felt that the two of them were “
worlds apart.” Student: (expressing herself in NVC, and using all four parts of the
process: observation [O], feeling [F], need [N], request [R]) You know, when you ...
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Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships Marshall Rosenberg. 2. If you
circled this number, we're in agreement that the speaker is acknowledging
responsibility for his or her feelings. 3. If you circled this number, we're not in
agreement.
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A couple in distress attending a workshop provides an additional illustration of
how nonspecific language can hamper understanding and communication. “I
want you to let me be me,” the woman declared to her husband. “I do!” he retorted
.
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Equally problematic is the reverse situation—when people state their requests
without first communicating the feelings and needs behind them. This is
especially true when the request takes the form of a question. “Why don't you go
and get a ...
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Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships Marshall Rosenberg. complaints
and concerns regarding the principal's treatment of her daughter. A woman
responded by sharing a situation that had occurred to her when she was a
student at ...
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Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships Marshall Rosenberg. Consider a
second scenario: Jack: I'm lonely and would like you to spend the evening with
me. Jane: Jack, I'm really tired. If you'd like some company, how about finding ...
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During the initial phases of learning this process, we may find ourselves applying
the components of NVC mechanically without awareness of the underlying
purpose. Sometimes, however, even when we're conscious of our intent and
express ...
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I had these self- righteous thoughts in my mind once when my younger son was not taking out the garbage. When we were dividing the household chores, he had
agreed to this task, but every day we would have another struggle about getting ...
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I'm not—I'm just really worried. Burt: No, I hear your concern. We've been friends
for a long time . . . Al: (making a request) Would you be willing to quit? Burt: I wish
I could. Al: (listening for the feelings and needs preventing Burt from agreeing ...
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Exercise. 4. EXPRESSING REQUESTS To see whether we're in agreement
about the clear expression of requests, circle the number in front of each of the
following statements in which the speaker is clearly requesting that a specific
action be ...
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The presence that empathy requires is not easy to maintain. “The capacity to give
one's attention to a sufferer is a very rare and difficult thing; it is almost a miracle;
it is a miracle,” asserts French philosopher Simone Weil. “Nearly all those who ...
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Paraphrasing. After we focus our attention and hear what others are observing,
feeling, and needing and what they are requesting to enrich their lives, we may
wish to reflect back by paraphrasing what we have understood. In our previous ...
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Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships Marshall Rosenberg. A difficult
message becomes an opportunity to enrich someone's life. Paraphrasing saves
time. have to say to us. We only feel dehumanized when we get trapped in ...
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Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships Marshall Rosenberg. want some
peace and quiet!” My older son, then nine, stopped short, looked at me, and
asked, “Do you want to talk about it?” If we are able to speak our pain nakedly
without ...
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Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships Marshall Rosenberg. Person B:
So you're feeling nervous about how to make arrangements and would
appreciate it if your future in-laws could be more aware of the complications their
indecision ...
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One of the most satisfying aspects of my work is to hear how individuals have
used NVC to strengthen their ability to connect empathically with others. My
friend Laurence, who lives in Switzerland, described how upset she felt when her ...
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She later described how, each time she empathized with the young man, she
could sense him becoming less adamant in his intention to follow through with
the rape. A metropolitan police officer attending a follow-up training in NVC once ...
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Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships Marshall Rosenberg. “No, not
after the first couple of interchanges, because then something else we'd learned
here became apparent. When I concentrated on listening for his feelings and
needs, ...
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Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships Marshall Rosenberg. their
listeners the fear of interminable conversation. Vitality drains out of conversations
when we lose connection with the feelings and needs generating the speaker's
words, ...
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They say that, after getting out of the hospital, I went through a time at home of not
eating, not talking, and wanting to stay in bed all the time. Then I was referred to
Dr. Rosenberg for counseling. I don't remember much of those next two or three ...
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Since we want whatever we do to lead to the enrichment of life, it is critical to
know how to evaluate events and conditions in ways that help us We use NVC to
evaluate ourselves in ways that engender growth rather than self-hatred. learn
and ...
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Cultivating. Awareness. of. the. Energy. behind. Our. Actions. As you explore the
statement, “I choose to . . . because I want . . . ,” you may discover—as I did with
the children's car pool—the important values behind the choices you've made.
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subject of anger gives us a unique opportunity to dive more deeply into NVC.
Because it brings many aspects of this process into sharp focus, the expression
of anger clearly demonstrates the difference between NVC and other forms of ...
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Earlier we saw that the behavior of others may be a stimulus for others say or do.
our feelings, but not the cause. We are never angry because of what someone
else did. We can identify the other person's behavior as the stimulus, but it is ...
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Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships Marshall Rosenberg. Judgments
of others contribute to self- fulfilling prophecies. happened. I would have then
become part of the process: by the very act of judging another person as a liar, ...
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Over the last thirty years I've had a wealth of experience speaking NVC with
people who harbor strong beliefs about specific races and ethnic groups. Early
one morning I was picked The more we hear them, the more they'll hear us. up by
a ...
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Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships Marshall Rosenberg. Man: What
are you talking about? MBR: Let me repeat what I'm trying to say. I really want
you to just hear the pain I felt Our need is for the other person to truly when I
heard ...
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Father: (out loud to Bill) Sounds to me like you're worried that no matter what you
say, you won't be treated fairly? Bill: What do you care about treating me fairly?
When something happens, you just want someone to punish. Besides, what's the ...
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Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships Marshall Rosenberg. tell you the
same from my end. (in a firm voice) Are you willing? Bill: Okay, I'll try. Father: (with
sigh of relief) Thank you. I'm grateful for your willingness to try. Did I tell ...
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The intention behind the When we exercise the protective use of force, we are
focusing on the life or rights we want to protect, without protective use of force is
passing judgment on either the person only to protect, not to or the behavior.
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Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships Marshall Rosenberg. of some
means of gratification, such as parents' curtailing allowances or driving privileges
. In this vein, the withdrawal of caring or respect is one of the most powerful
threats ...
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Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships Marshall Rosenberg. Joe: (nods
agreement) MBR: I'm discouraged if that's the only way. I hate that way of settling
things and want to learn other ways. Ed: Why? MBR: Several reasons. Like if I ...
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We've. all learned things that limit us as human beings, whether from well-
intentioned parents, teachers, clergy, or others. Passed down through
generations, even centuries, much of this destructive cultural learning is so
ingrained in our lives ...
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By encouraging us to separate observation and evaluation, to acknowledge the
thoughts or needs shaping our feelings, and to express our requests in clear
action language, NVC heightens our awareness of the cultural conditioning ...
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Did I do this; did I not do that? But, since I had been working on using NVC to
take better care of myself, I asked instead, 'What do I need to do for myself right
now with this Focus on what we want to do rather than what went wrong.
headache?
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Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships Marshall Rosenberg. relationship.
He did not believe that this type of authenticity was likely to exist when people
meet in the roles of psychotherapist and client. Rogers agreed that authenticity ...
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I explained to the psychiatrist that NVC urges me to ask myself the following
questions rather than think in terms of what is wrong with a patient: “What is this
person feeling? What is she or he needing? How am I feeling in response to this ...
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Dealing with Resentment and Self-Judgment A student of Nonviolent Communication shares the following story. I had just returned from my first
residential training in NVC. A friend whom I hadn't seen for two years was waiting
for me at home.
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CHAPTER. THIRTEEN. Expressing. Appreciation. inNonviolent. Communication.
The Intention behind the Appreciation “You did a good job on that report.” “You
are a very sensitive person.” “It was kind of you to offer me a ride home last ...
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Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships Marshall Rosenberg. Receive
appreciation without feelings of superiority or false humility. Nafez's expression of
gratitude showed me a different way to receive appreciation. Usually it is
received ...
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The. Hunger. for. Appreciation. Paradoxically, despite our unease in receiving
appreciation, most of us yearn to be genuinely recognized and appreciated.
During a surprise party for me, a twelve-year-old friend of mine suggested a party
game ...
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Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships Marshall Rosenberg.
improvements, while barely stopping to celebrate things that were going well. I
had just completed a workshop with more than a hundred participants, all of
whom had ...
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Epilogue. I. once asked my uncle Julius how he had developed such a
remarkable capacity to give compassionately. He seemed honored by my
question, which he pondered before replying, “I've been blessed with good
teachers.” When I ...
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Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships Marshall Rosenberg. “Do you
have a last name?” she inquired. “I am Jesus the Lord.” (My grandmother's
English wasn't too good. Another uncle, Isidor, later told me he had come into the
kitchen ...
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Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships Marshall Rosenberg. Greenburg,
Dan, and Marcia Jacobs. How to Make Yourself Miserable for the Rest of the
Century: Another Vital Training Manual. New York: Vintage Books, 1987. Harvey ...
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Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships Marshall Rosenberg.
consciousness, at heart of NVC, 7, 81 conscious vs. reactive responses, 3–4, 6,
153 counseling, NVC use in, 180–83 see also psychotherapy; self- counseling
Croatia, ...
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Make Yourself Miserable (Greenburg), 18 marriage, NVC use in, 8 expressing
feelings, 38–39 paraphrasing, 101, 105–08 receiving empathically, 94–96
requests, 67–68, 70, 73 taking responsibility for feelings of others, 57–58 “The
Mask” ...
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reactive vs. conscious responses, 3–4, 6, 153 reassurance vs. empathy, 92
receiving empathically (listening skills) basics, 7, 91–96 for boring conversations,
121–23 exercises, 109–11 NVC in Action dialogues, 13–14, 32–33, 61–64, 105–
08 ...
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His work offers you a fresh new perspective on the proven skills offered in the
bestselling book, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. Drawing on his
own real-life examples and stories, d'Ansembourg provides practical skills and ...
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Offering far more than discipline techniques that move aggressive behavior out of
the classroom to the playground or sidewalk, The No-Fault Classroom leads
students ages 7–12 to develop skills in problem solving, empathic listening, and ...
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The learned behaviors of cynicism, resentment, and getting even are replaced
with the skills of Nonviolent Communication, including recognizing one's needs
and values and making choices in alignment with them. Peaceful Living goes ...
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The. Compassionate. Classroom. Relationship Based Teaching and Learning by
Sura Hart and Victoria Kindle Hodson $17.95 — Trade Paper 7.5x9.25, 208pp
ISBN: 978-1-892005-06-9 When compassion thrives, so does learning—Learn ...
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In this international bestseller, Rosenberg uses stories, conversation role-plays,
and real-world examples to introduce his world-renowned, four-part Nonviolent Communication (NVC) process. Far more than a communication technique, you'll ...